I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
