He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Come see our sink grown plant.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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