There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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