Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
