You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I could fuck to npr.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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