found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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