he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
