I got chris browned last night
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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