i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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