I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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