I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
