Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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