and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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