mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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