just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The Olympian is in my bed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
