this just has baby written all over it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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