i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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