the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
