true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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