What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
