Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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