OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
