omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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