Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
