Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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