Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
