I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
