Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
