I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
