you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
