I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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