You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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