yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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