Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize