left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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