i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
