A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
