I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize