if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
