goodnight i made you a song goodbye
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
