i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
