Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
