When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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