Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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