Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
