We won't sleep together?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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