Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
