Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
