All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i need some magic done to my vagina
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
