sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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