Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize