I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
