Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
