u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
