please come you make the beer taste better
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
