have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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