my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize