The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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