my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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