I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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