kristin has been a bad kristin
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
