I just made out with a guy for $7.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
