Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You have to summon your inner elephant
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
