I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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