I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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