At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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