is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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