Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
