my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
