My hand turned me down
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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