I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
