He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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