remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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