last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
