I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
