My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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