She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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