We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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