I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
