how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
