he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
