id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize