**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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