I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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