sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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