I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
