WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
