Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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