i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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